my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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