she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
