And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
