yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I wish there were birth control emojis
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
