I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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