My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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