you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
