sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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