I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
