at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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