you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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