Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
