I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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