NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if only i could text you this smell
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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