they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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