I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
