Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It's just like the Real World with babies
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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