I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
