ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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