for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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