Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
