No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
