the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
