No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
