Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
third nipple confirmed
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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