...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Sober January is a disaster.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
