when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
