Welp...herpes.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
