yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
