getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
