Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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