drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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