Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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