so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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