I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
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