My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.