i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?