Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dating After Heartbreak
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
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You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.