he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
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I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
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he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.