We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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