Texts From Last Night

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  (509): View more from Washington

  My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.

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  (509): My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work. http://tfl.nu/mmky
  Replies (11) Good night (2532) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .

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  (201): we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is . http://tfl.nu/3c24
  Replies (43) Good night (8182) Bad night (1227)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted

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  (734): I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted http://tfl.nu/844p
  Replies (25) Good night (5491) Bad night (1372)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am

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  (973): America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am http://tfl.nu/1gc0
  Replies (8) Good night (7281) Bad night (958)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness

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  (515): Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness http://tfl.nu/59mb
  Replies (3) Good night (2459) Bad night (1183)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.

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  (620): You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on. http://tfl.nu/djzq
  Replies (10) Good night (3794) Bad night (1004)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.

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  (214): Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it. http://tfl.nu/1ffs
  Replies (11) Good night (2808) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.

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  (585): 20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me. http://tfl.nu/kxs1
  Replies (4) Good night (1668) Bad night (614)
• Favorite

  (+55): View more from

  Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.

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  (+55): Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept. http://tfl.nu/o11x
  Replies (6) Good night (1509) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.

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  (416): I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting. http://tfl.nu/0atv
  Replies (10) Good night (621) Bad night (1186)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....

  (1+44): View more from

  The baked potato bra?

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  (+44): I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered.... (1+44): The baked potato bra? http://tfl.nu/bc4d
  Replies (4) Good night (678) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again

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  (863): I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again http://tfl.nu/i6de
  Replies (3) Good night (663) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.

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  (313): I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead. http://tfl.nu/juh5
  Replies (5) Good night (720) Bad night (192)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.

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  (636): I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious. http://tfl.nu/gqc7
  Replies (2) Good night (419) Bad night (200)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good

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  (630): And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good http://tfl.nu/vo3g
  Replies (1) Good night (371) Bad night (174)

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