Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
