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I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
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