better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
