If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
