I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
