so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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