Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
