I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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