Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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