So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
