burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
