around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
