I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
