At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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