I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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