You smell like a Billy Joel song
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
