He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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