Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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