All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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