my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
