I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
