Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
