just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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