i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
