I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
