seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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