so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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