I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
