i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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