dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
