I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
