Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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