chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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