There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
