I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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