I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
