i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
