Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
