I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
