you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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