Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
