so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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