Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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