I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My hand turned me down
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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