You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
