My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
