A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
