I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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