Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
