not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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